it's okay not to dance

just got done watching a movie on netflix and noticed the tab of the post i was going to write earlier: "Blogger: it's okay not to dance..." then i remembered why i chose that title. my aunt owned an arcade/dance club for teens that i would go to on friday and saturday nights (this was when i was in 7th and 8th grade). i remember people trying to get me dance... even going as far as pulling me off my seat to get up and move around. it wasn't happening... i won't dance for you. fast forward to me being 24... my 2nd night in SF with someone (my roommate's friend) i just met the night before. we were hanging out at an OM records' tenth anniversary party and i was NOT DANCING. everyone in that building was dancing but me (and the bouncer). my new friend took me to a different room with a bunch of mirrors and said "just look at yourself and move to the music.. follow my lead." i stood there, holding my water, looking at myself looking stupid in the mirror while she danced. at that point i didn't know if i would look more dumb dancing or just standing there. i just stood there.

so the title to my blog is just a reminder that i don't have to dance to look stupid.

(eventually i did dance... a few years later with the influence of vodka + orange juice. that was a fun night. so the moral is: if you're going to look stupid dancing, drink a vodka + orange juice)

(but the REAL moral is: it's okay if you don't dance because your sister made a fool of you at the tender age of 5 when she convinced you to do an embarrassing dance in front of your parents for $5 and then didn't give you the money after)

so here's some music you don't have to dance to.



kuedo - severant

mike

there's this guy i work with named mike. mike likes camo and country. he wants/needs his future girlfriend to like camo and country. he's the most sincere annoying little shit at my job. needless to say, work wouldn't be the same without him (i'm still undecided if that's a good or bad thing).

today i told him a joke i thought he would get a kick out of:
Q - how do you make an eggroll?
A - you push it.
(i remembered it from a laffy taffy wrapper)
he didn't laugh really, but he individually told everyone we worked with... so i think he enjoyed the joke. i don't know... maybe he didn't get it at first. it's not really funny, but it's the kind of joke i can hear mike telling his future girlfriend's parents at dinner someday. i hope they laugh.

now for the music... if yoshimi battles(...) was a broadcast or stereolab record, secret angles would have been made way sooner. i wonder of mike would get a kick out of the name of this band...

cock & swan - secret angles

lazy today

all i want to do is pick my toenails and think about things. about an hour ago i planned on taking a shower, but i ended up eating a can of beans and some pita bread while watching parks and rec. don't worry guys, i washed my hands before i ate. and i only pick at my toenails when i have nothing else to pick at. i need a bracelet or something. but maybe not. i always end up breaking them because i mess with them too much and i don't take them off.

i'm posting something that isn't what i'm listening to right now, because what i'm listening to right now is a gloomy mix i made in the summer and i don't feel like sharing it with you turds (mostly i don't want to take the time to tag it properly and upload it). instead you guys will get something by arca. this is big speaker or headphone music btw... if you don't have either, i'd suggest closing this tab and listening to some cazytown "come my lady/come, come my lady." also, the track at 6:28 is my jam to play on my way to work. it hits.

you can download it from the download link on the embedded sound below:

festive bummer is a good title

just download the music and don't read because it's just me feeling sorry for myself and i'm probably going to be annoyed at rereading this... i'm saving you guys the grief, okay? trust me on this one.
guys, i have a lot to write about, but i don't want to share what i want to write about. maybe i need more friends. i need my old friends back. but it's like they've all partnered off and then i moved away... and now that i'm back in IL, it's been hard to get back in the groove of hanging out with people who already have a routine with their significant other... which is why i've only been hanging out with one friend (but he likes to party a lot and i don't). guys, i'm feeling sorry for me right now and i don't want to be home tonight. is that okay? if you're still reading, i'm sorry, but i warned you, so i'm not that sorry. for your troubles, i'll offer you guys some advice for getting older: don't let your friends get into relationships if you don't feel like staying home on saturday nights. (I'M JOKING)

here's some real advice: eat good/cool foods and travel if you're going to hang out by yourself most of the time. it gives you something to post pictures about on instagram so people won't think you're a loser.

i keep forgetting to write about the music. well... i like this album quite a bit (especially tonight). i hope that's good enough.



mickey mickey rourke - festive bummer

funk is a good word and fancy cars are for men older than me

i'm not sure what it is, but today was weird. maybe i can call it a funk. but you know, funk is a cool word and i'm not sure if i want to put it in a negative light to describe how i feel. i've been trying to DL a movie for the last 4 hours, but the stupid thing won't work. so now i'm just listening to music and staring at the ceiling being an idiot. maybe i should have done something tonight. i don't know... it's like, do i go see a stupid movie or do i sit at home? i chose home, obviously. tomorrow though... i'm totally going to work. YEAH! what has my easy life become?? mid-midlife crisis over here. if only i had the money to buy a fancy car like i was really going through a midlife crisis. i'd drive it around and listen to something really quiet and wonder why i bought a fancy car when all i want to do is watch the movie i'm trying to download. this might be the only time i'm going to apologize on this blog and mean it. sorry for the shitty post.

at least there's always music. but really, i'm only posting this for one song... because the one song is pretty dope and i keep listening to it. if i had a fancy car, this is the song i'd ride to right now. there's a full moon tonight (even though it's cloudy and moon is hiding) and my anxiety is high and i feel like i need to stretch (but not literally stretch... it's hard to explain). oh, and my hair is doing its treasure troll thing today... even it's sad. lol.

alright, i'm going to watch some adventure time and lay on my bed till i fall asleep. goodnight.



slava - soft control

p.s. the dope track is #4

no trains

so i didn't have work training today. and i won't have to go in over the weekend either. praise be to computer maintenance deities - i offer you the rest of my little sister's bag of skittles in the fridge. please accept this gift.

ANYWAY, after this amazing post i'm going to watch a movie on my computer. because why would i go to the movies? i mean, i would like to go to the movies, but there is nothing i would go see by myself... it has to be something cool... or with someone i want to sit next to for a little over an hour... in which case, i don't care what the movie is (also known as: being excited about november (even though there won't be time for that)). oranges poranges, WHO CARES?

this one's for the moody BBs. "stay moody, my friends." - dos equis guy
(it's also for the sleepy BBs)



ensemble economique - fever logic

important questions

hey morning people, what is wrong with you? do you really like waking up early? or are you lying to yourself? how do you do wake up early as eff, in a good mood, eating eggs and pancakes and shit? HOW THE EFF? i want to wake up like a foldgers commercial too, okay? teach me your way. (and don't say go to bed earlier, because that's not going to happen... it's not how i work).

seriously, all i want out of life right now is to be laying in my stupid bed. sleeping.

here's some stupid wake up music.

(it's not stupid music, but i think everything is stupid right now)



various - World Psychedelic Classics 3: Love's A Real Thing - The Funky Fuzzy Sounds Of West Africa

so i finally got my sister to care about adventure time. she really likes lumpy (and my impression of lumpy)... i think because apparently lumpy sounds like one of her dance instructors. my mom likes to make fun of her: "okay like dew like 3 moaare (flips) then dew 2 moaare. or dew like 2 moaare first then dew 2 moaare. like i don't know. just do 5 more." my mom isn't always the nicest person, but she's my mom and i love her - even when she threatens to break my arm for being a dummy sometimes. (she's not really going to break my arm, guys. it's okay. DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME)

to those of you who know me, i will not do an impression of lumpy for you. i'll either have to be really tired or under the influence of a few drinks (which doesn't happen often)... so don't ask... because it won't happen.

(i'm posting this track because it's cool and not in the zip file)



Yosi Horikawa - wandering ep

some sisters have bad taste in stay home programming

my little sister said adventure time was depressing. wtf, little sister? you don't know what a depressing cartoon is until you've watched david the gnome. it was one of those cartoons that was on when you're home sick from school chilling on the couch trying to find something to watch. it was either the price is right, soaps, or david the gnome. 1987-(whenever i stopped caring about cartoons when i was sick) were the worst years to stay home from school. do you guys know what happened at the end of the final episode of david the gnome? (spoiler) he turns into a tree. david the gnome turns into a TREE. life lessons. you get sick, stay home from school, eventually you die because you're sick, and then you turn into a tree.

speaking of staying home from school, i had to watch my nephew today... guess what we watched. adventure time, suckaaas. i'm pretty sure he didn't understand the jokes i was laughing at, but he laughed anyway.

i'm not really sure what music to post to go along with this. either something as depressing as david the gnome or something as cool as adventure time. maybe both? okay, both. the first one is the depressing david the gnome type release.



c. wolfe - p is b

------------------------------------------------------



d'flower - ep

rhyming words / smelly tu _ _ s (fill in the blank)

i'm procrastinating. which means i'm going to post some music. lucky you.

i was eating with my mom and sister earlier and we were talking about me and how i was when i was really young... like when i was a baby up till i was 6 or 7. i told my little sister the story about how i hated my pre school teacher because she yelled at me for not thinking cat rhymed with cat. technically it does rhyme, but what the eff?! get off my shit, man. who rhymes the same words and thinks it's okay? i didn't even think it was okay when i was 4. Mrs. Connor, i hope you're not such a lame anymore. you were the only teacher to make me cry and feel stupid.



machinedrum - (rhymes with connor's dumb)

music post

i've been sitting on this for a minute. it's about time i shared it. and you know what? i'm going to actually talk about the album.

it's pretty good. i like track 3, 7, and 10 the most. (i skip track4)

really, i just wanted to post this because i finally listened to it and liked it.

i suppose i should say something about something about my life. well... i took a drug test for a new job today. i accidentally peed on my hand. it was warm. unless the generic fruit loops i've been eating have drugs in them, i passed. (someone congratulate me!)



forest swords - (the new one )

gawd (edited from gahd)

sometimes people say words differently than me - it's called an accent (i know i have one too). normally, i would just think about where that person is from and keep to myself, but when the accent is a cross between english and valley girl, everything changes. just think about it... someone from england with a valley girl accent... how the eff does that happen? and where would this person be from? canada, that's how and where. i just thought they said things like "a-boot" for "about" or "sore-ee" for "sorry." i was wrong. maybe it's just the one i talk to? i don't want to pin this on the whole population of canada. pretty sure you all don't sound this dumb. (joking! don't hate me!)

i guess i should post something from north america's hat. you're not welcome.



babe rainbow - shaved ep

cool vs cold

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i can't stress that enough.

i feel like master p right now. but i'm not a retired rapper... or even a rapper. it's weird to think about hip hop aging. it's like it didn't know it got old. or maybe it did, but it doesn't care because every phase of it's life has been cool to the cool kids... including it's midlife crisis years (1998-2000something). so it's more like that old guy who you know is old but is still cooler than you. (this isn't a metaphor for me by the way... i'm not 40 and i don't think i'm that cool).

but back to my frustrations. no matter how honest you are, you're not going to please everyone. i'd like to think i'm not as cold i was made to feel tonight, but i don't know. see that? i may not be old and cool, but i might be old and cold. and "what's cooler than cool?... ICE COLD." - andre 3000

the music is from a post i took down a few days ago. it's still relevant.



clap! clap! - gwidingwi dema

wreck and reference - black cassette

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

i think i've rewritten this post at least ten times.

there's so much i want to say, but i'll wait to say it to you. just two things i want you to know right now: i hate you for turning me into a sap turd. the other thing is, you really do make me so happy.



skywave - echodrone

p.s. happy birthday!!! :)))))
p.p.s. thank you for this album

60F

it feels so perfect.

(i'll probably try to fall asleep to this)



michiru aoyama - 音は光る (the sound is shining)

$5 worth

i remember when i was around 6 or something, my older sister tricked me into doing an embarrassing dance by offering $5 if i did the dance for 30 seconds. 30 seconds may not seem like a long time, but if you're doing something embarrassing for that long, it seems like forever. anyway, so i did the dance IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS and my a-hole sister only to get laughs... no $5. today i mentioned this story to my mom and younger sister (to illustrate how mean my older sister was to me) and how it's why i have low self esteem (jokingly) and she said she wouldn't have let that happen. well... she did let that happen. my mom was there! she also said i must have been stupid, because why would i believe my sister? thanks mom. you're the best.

this is probably why i hate you all (but not really).

(i can remember a story from when i was 6, but i can't remember if i've posted this album already. also, i don't like track one... don't let that deter you from the rest of the album)



beak - >>

no ifs

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

woke up with the same sigh i went to bed with (i'll probably go back to bed in a minute b/c it's way too early to be awake). that's all i really have to say. well, that's not true... i have so much to say about the sigh i'm posting about but i'm choosing to leave it at that because maybe i feel optimistic things will turn out the way i want and i'd rather not jinx anything (even though i don't think it would be jinxed... and i just feel embarrassed about being a daydreaming 12 year old because i try to keep my cool but can't).



elvis depressedly - holo pleasures

(bandcamp link)

a post about nothing with music i think i've already posted

interviews make me so nervous. it's not even till tomorrow, but still. maybe it's a good thing i'm so tired right now.

my mom is playing candy crush, my dad is watching honey boo boo (or whatever it's called), little sister is on her phone looking at one direction pictures on instagram. she doesn't know i can see what she's looking at. i'll stop looking... i don't want to turn into my mom... trying to look at my computer screen to see what i'm doing or who i'm talking to. it makes looking at tumblr nearly impossible. if she saw a boob or a butt on my screen... oh man. i like how google chrome is cool with the way tumblr is spelled but isn't about to let someone type instagram without a red line underneath. you know what else is cool? i'm really tired at 10pm and i'm trying to type this and it's going to be all loopy and stupid and just me giving a play by play of the day (maybe).

still haven't figured out what i'm wearing tomorrow, but i have potential interview clothes in the wash, so i can't go to sleep yet. why the eff am i writing about nothing?

here's some music for wanting to sleep but you can't because you need to throw your clothes in the dryer. it's nice to dream about dreaming.



clickits - s/t

la última empanada

i hate you all the way i hate white creamy foods.

something-something-metaphor about scooping out the vanilla pudding from the empanada because it grosses me out.

here's some music because i don't really hate you at all.

(this terrible post isn't my fault. i got made fun of today about my writing style/format for this blog, so i'm doing this because it was really funny to me and because i'm a hater sometimes. if i ever can't blog here, expect a shithead to blog in my place. also expect shitty posts like this one... but also expect good music)



narvu. - shocka.

told you i'd see you suckers later

so it's my last full day in california. so much stuff to do today (but i have to wait till my uncle gets off work to finish up last minute stuff) and i don't know if i'll have the time to post later or even tomorrow. uuuuggggghhhhh. anyway, california was cool, but i'm ready to go back. i'm going to miss a puppy taking up half the room on the bed and waking me up every morning to go outside only to find she's eating her own turds. but really, i'm going to miss her.

from turds to turd, one of the things i very much enjoyed about being here is really getting to know someone i consider a supreme turd - a really ~cool~, funny, nice, cute, and awesome person who puts bees in my stomach and makes my chest pound. funny how i moved out here and got to know someone who lives in a place where the accents are funny, eh. universe, you're a funny and weird thing. but you're also an awesome thing.

i'm posting white heaven's "out" because peace out and because supreme turds have great taste in music.



white heaven - out

p.s. the title track is a jam

tonight

i caught the stupid dog eating turds again.

realized i don't like drinking wine by myself. also realized i don't like drinking wine. it doesn't taste good and i'd rather eat candy.

my roommates were supposed to take me out to eat tonight, but that didn't happen. probably a good thing. i don't have the money to go out and i talk too much about them for them to be nice to me now.

what else... i leave in a week. goodbye california.

seriously, this wine tastes like vomit. the dog and i have something in common (we both have shit in our mouth).

this is how cool i am, you guys. it's saturday.



various - in lieu of cool pt.2
1. noir. - The Penthouse (Prod. fLako)
2. Slum Village - untitled (fantastic)
3. Swerve & SYG - SYG - Love.Sent.Delivered (LSD) (prod. Gloam)
4. Chuuwee - Navigation(Prod. By Pete Pine)
5. Chuuwee - Post-Mortem
6. Flamingosis - Euphoric (One For Knx)
7. Evan Holt - The Guitone Ft. Chuuwee(prod.whoarei)
8. Lee Bannon & Chuuwee - Feet Deep Part 1
9. Ras Nebyu - Washington Slizzards
10. Joey Bada$$ - 95 Til' Infinity [Prod. By Lee Bannon]
11. Kazi - Average
12. Blaise B. & Jay Kubes - Mad World

liking to not give a shi...care

a problem with blogging is not knowing how to start each post. after that it's not wanting to say everything that's on my mind. after that it's trying to make sense out of all the things i want to say. now i have to think of how to jump into what i came here to post. feelings... ahhh... feelings (annoyed ones). a reason i love hip hop is that it helps me subdue and distract any feelings i might have. i remember riding my bike in the tenderloin with my hood up listening to some galapagos 4 stuff not giving a shit - no one bothers you when you look like you don't give a shit (unless you're not white... but i'll stay away from going into that topic here). i found this true for most interactions. and if you act like you don't care enough, eventually you'll end up really not caring and no one will want to talk to you.

i look forward to going home (so i can tell my parents i blame them for everything wrong with my life (joking)). i just need some distractions and human interactions. side note: did i ever mention getting really annoyed with having a roommate who doesn't shut up? times like these i would just go for a walk or something. there were times at my old job i would do that. i remember getting really pissed off because my co-worker didn't want me to play rap. the truth is, that was only part of the reason i was pissed off. i was really trying to distract myself with a feeling and trying to not giving a shit about it. my (ex)girlfriend was living in paris and we were fighting about something and i took it out on my co-worker for not letting me play some hip hop. anyway, i went for a walk because i was being a baby. it's just nice to see people and not have to talk them (the record store i worked at is by a college campus and there were always people around). i swear i'm not a grump though. just don't tell me i can't play rap. YOU GOT THAT!? let me play hip hop and everything will be okay. i promise.

here's some "i don't give a care" rap for you guys. and since demos are raw as eff, what i'm posting will help you guys not give an efff about anything for the few next weeks.



outsidaz - demo

i have enough toes and roommates

i'm looking at my toes right now and it looks like i don't have enough. i do have enough. five is enough on one foot. but i think what's messing me up is my left foot being crossed over my right ankle and angled in a way i can't see my left pinkie toe. if this was tumblr, i'd take a picture (no i wouldn't). i don't even know why i'm talking about this. maybe because i'm trying to distract myself from my roommate... maybe i want him to go to his room and crawl out the window when he wants to leave the house so i wouldn't have to watch another "really funny" youtube video or hear another stupid accent. even the dog looks at him funny... like, "shut up and don't touch me, man." this post is getting negative. sorry. i'm just annoyed and i need a distraction.

so i'm definitely going to fall asleep before i figure out what music to post. the roommate went to sleep and the dog is resting her head on my arm as i type (and it's making me very relaxed).

i don't remember if i've posted this already, but whatever, right? it's relevant.



king krule - s/t

toast

a crumbled slice to the song i heard this morning and now won't stop listening to. i remember having this feeling in 2006. it's funny because that's the last time this artist put something out (not that funny... just a dumb coincidence). he puts all these feelings i rarely have into music and i end up not being able to shake things off. thanks, man.

luckily, i'm not obligated to post what i'm listening to. so here's some cold-wave stuff i enjoy... because my roommates think i'm part goth (i know this isn't goth, but to them it is).



black marble - a different arrangement

science of sleep things

i was going to post about how sleeping is easy. well it's not. the pup is sick and i get to clean it up. this is making me seem like i don't care that she's sick... i do care. it's just that she's an idiot and eats things that aren't edible to any living creature (except maybe a goat).
for those that aren't cleaning up after goat-dogs and want some sleep, here you go. i probably hate you for sleeping, but not really... i don't hate anyone.



jürgen müller - science of the sea

roommates

i am thankful for my room and closed doors.

thank you room.

thank you door that closes

and thank you, cool music
without you i wouldn't have something to link.



motion sickness of time travel - luminaries & synastry

Deuxième

when i first started boxing, my coach would always correct my chin: "chin down! keep your chin down!" when your chin is tucked, your shoulders provide cover from blind spots (left hooks if you're an orthodox fighter). this is important because a knock to the chin dazes or KOs. like most people, i don't learn from someone just telling me. the first time i got hit with a blinding left hook on the chin, i saw stars and my mood turned from being up to wanting to give up. (also, getting hit doesn't make me angry... or most other boxers for that matter. because anger blinds and drains your energy more than anything (not breathing has the same affect)).
i was an out-fighter... which means i stayed on the outside, jabbed, tried not to get hit, and used my feet to evade the space my opponent was trying to close in on me. the more i trained, the more i realized the lessons i was learning weren't just for boxing. maybe i'm stretching for this, but lessons are lessons and i believe the things i learned about myself are as true outside of boxing. i don't like letting people get too close (figuratively and literally), and i still haven't learned my lesson with keeping the most vulnerable part of me protected. moods can change so fast from taking a knock, that it just makes you want to give in and give up.
it's about 2:30pm and a'll i've done so far is eat a bagel with nutella, drank some arabica coffee, and watched half of a movie. i'm trying to think of ways to make this post and day not so gloom. maybe i'll eat the left over pizza from yesterday (because pizza is medicine for everything). PRIZZA TIME!



moonbeams - radio san francisco

keep

catching up on july and wanting august to get here so september will pass so i can live in october for a month. the fall, man. it reminds me of things i miss. sitting on the front porch with a book, but not reading it because i'm too occupied watching people drive/walk by. i miss seeing random people. not that i want to talk to them. i just like seeing people from where i live. that was my favorite part about sf - just sitting in front of my apartment building watching people (not staring... because that's creepy). same for when i lived in il. and the same for when i stayed with my grandma in guadalajara.
there are things i've learned about myself living where the burbs meet the sticks - i miss being left alone in a crowd. there are no crowds here. no busy streets. no people to look at walking by (except the occasional mom or dad walking their dog). only walgreens and houses with families who stay inside till they have to leave the house for work or groceries. i really hope this isn't coming across as me being sad... because i'm not. i just miss things and i'm having an existential crisis in bed listening to music that resonates because right now i'm playing a waiting game for a few different things... wondering if they even matter. one is out of my hands, while the other i'll probably wait till it's too late. there's a line in a movie (i'll be as vague as i want. though google is a great ruiner) that gets me every time: "life's funny. to a kid, time always drags. suddenly you're 50." i think about that sometimes. then i think about my father (being in his 50s) and how he tells me to not be like him (dragging his feet)... then i think about my mother, who also tells me to not be like my father. the problem is, i think i am like him. we daydream and make plans all day then wonder where the time went.

just d/l this because if you're here, you'll probably like it. (the lyrics are tagged in each song because).

keep (because it's my favorite)

meeeeeeeelting into (blind spots)

either because of the food i ate earlier or something else (i won't lie... it's something else).

bleh

these things happen from the blind side (my right eye) like a semi truck plowing bees into my stomach.



be forest - cold

comma placent

i heard someone say 'ninja turtle shit' at the store today. it made me laugh. but did he mean a turd from a ninja turtle or a ninja turtle product or something? no one will ever know. it's like when someone says "i'm a grown ass man." do they mean they're a grown man, they are a grown ass(hole) and addressing the person they're telling as man, or are they reflecting on how much they really like grown butts? i guess it all depends on where the comma goes.
on the way to store i was behind a honda accord and thought: what if it was also an accordion? it could be a honda accordion. like, when it crashes it could collapse like an accordion and make a sound. this is what happens when you're an aging non-social idiot. you'll turn into me. so don't be like me. you all have very bright futures and i don't want to see them go to waste. hugs and kisses. except no hugs or kisses because don't touch me.

and for the tunes.

earlier i was on soulseek and noticed someone grabbing something from me i didn't recognize. so i listened to it... and i'm still listening to it (over and over, because it's nice as eff). if you like acheron (see precious post), you'll probably like this.



paul hares - blurred

middle of things

fell asleep at midnight and woke up 45 minutes ago, light on, door open, mouth open, one sock on, coughing on my drool because i fell asleep on my back and my nose is stuffy (allergies have had their way for a few days now). there's a mosquito bugging the shit out of me and the dog is taking up the middle of the bed, snoring like she needs some type of apnea device. oh and it's hot in my room. but everything is okay, you know why? because the dog just crawled under my bed so i now have room for my legs. she doesn't like it when i play music when she's trying to sleep. it's my passive aggressive way of making the little shit move. like, i feel bad scooting her over, but i don't feel bad if she moves herself. i realize this attitude is shitty and being passive aggressive to a dog is even shittier, but like i said, it's hot in here and i can't sleep if she's all up on my legs being all warm. i hope it's not so hot under my bed. stay cool, little friend.

speaking of cool...



29

do overs

i wish i could go back in time and not buy the peaches i bought yesterday. they taste like apples... but bad. why stop at the most recent poor decision? i don't know how far back i'd go. maybe high school? i'd probably try harder and pay attention. and not try to slick my hair back or wear dickies. high school photos are the worst. luckily they're all on film because digital wasn't really a thing 86 years ago. i guess i would say the same for my first round of college... except for the slicked back hair thing (that will never happen again). i probably would have benefitted from trying (or going to class). even after college - i wish i would have tried harder at a few things. one would be staying in sf. the other, not being so naive to people's intentions. the funny thing about writing these posts so late is falling asleep between sentences and having mini dreams. i know i questioned if dreams are at all telling in my last post, but i feel they are. the subconscious is probably the most honest thing about us.

for the first time in a while, i'm not sure what to post for the reason i have so much i want to post. i'll start with sea dweller, because i'm listening to them right now. think slowdive... that's all. they sound like slowdive. and that's a good thing.



sea dweller - Signs Of A Perfect Disaster

dream things

the past couple of days my dreams have been pretty vivid. so vivid i don't remember if someone told me in real life or in my dream that i could see the craters on the super moon. i know i didn't see the craters while i was awake, but i do remember seeing them in my dream... which is problematic when trying to discern if the conversations really happened. funny how just typing that, i figured out what the dream was about (if dreams do actually mean anything). jung would probably shake my face for my parenthesis. i'd be like, "carl, chill. what's real anyway, carl? carl, am i awake? carl... carl, what's reality? carl, what's realty? how do i become a real estate agent, carl? is the housing market still on the decline, carl? how am i talking to you, carl? you were dead before my mom was alive. this is not possible, smart guy." then i'd wake up weirded out by dreaming about a blog post about dreams. this is my life, guys. i go crazy and you guys get music i like. i hope this deal works for everyone.

so instead of posting a zip file, i'm posting a couple of videos that caught my attention this morning. the first one is by soko and the second by binkbeats. peeep game, you all.

the Ps apply pressure

how bad is it that my mom is trying to set me up on dates? very bad. i haven't even moved back and they're already pushing their agenda. trying to avoid this particular conversation with my parents, my little sister jumps in to save me: "she's not right for him. they're not the same. she's not cool and she doesn't like wolves." i don't know about the wolves part, but i guess that means my sister thinks i'm cool. at least someone does.

in lieu of me actually being cool, hip hop will always fill that void. (i already posted pt.1 on 8-tracks under a different name, but whatever, right?)



various - in lieu of cool pt.1
1. Charizma and Peanutbutter Wolf - methods
2. Miilkbone - keep it real
3. Crooklyn Dodgers '95 - return of the crooklyn dodgers
4. Afu-Ra - whirlwind thru cities
5. All Natural - renaissance
6. Digable Planets - black ego
7. All Natural - it's okay
8. King Geedorah - next levels (feat. Lil' Sci, ID 4 Winds & Stahhr)
9. A Tribe Called Quest - jazz (we've got)
10. Mood - karma
11. Bahamadia - uknowhowwedu

"a team of bumblebees"

a mix dedicated to gordon cole and things you can't control.

the majority of these songs won't be new to most of you. but some are pretty new to me. and that's okay.



various - a team of bumblebees (we all know the feeling)

1.girls - death in vegas
2.sometimes - my bloody valentine
3.breathless - young prisms
4.when the sun hits - slowdive
5.dawning - tamaryn
6.land beyond the sun (demo) - flying saucer attack
7.rapt - native korean rock
8.around my smile - hope sandoval & the warm inventions
9.i'm waiting here (feat. lykke li) - david lynch
10.broken drum (boards of canada remix) - beck
11.everything you do is a balloon (excerpt) - boards of canada
12.halo (feat. abigail wyles) - benjamin damage & doc daneeka

p.s. it's all one track because i wanted to make it flow and tape-like.
p.p.s. in case you need a reference b/c twin peaks might be foreign to some of you

guuuuuuuusto ci-eeeegoooo and little bit of amor de jóvenes (perrito)

b/c i can't control these kinds of things.

anyway, i was supposed to be in sf today, but forgot there's a bb living in the house that can't take of herself because dogs don't have thumbs. that was my first thought waking up from the nap i just took. i'm kind of in a haze and my heart is pounding because because because ___ (i'mananxiousguysometimes). i can never be mad at the pup pup though. i'll just resent her like a disappointed parent. can't wait to fill her bowl with bits of resentment flavored dog food. joking, guys! geeeeeeezus. i love this little shit. I LUH THIS LIL BB SHIT.

alright, so here's a pretty nice beat oriented album perfect for the post-nap haze state. homie goes by conehead and comes to us by way of Kaohsiung City, Taiwan. ch-check le beeeeeats.



conehead - Obscure/晦涩(bandcamp link... it's free, you guys)
(alt link in case homie runs out of free D/Ls)

fllluuuusterrrringsssssss

been happening. sorry, i won't elaborate. you know what? i'm not sorry. because sorry is for suckers and i'm not a sucker. (not really. sometimes it's good to be sorry.)

so the drummer from craft spells put out a solo effort and i'm digging it. kind of what i've been needing. for some reason/every reason i listen to some depressing shit during the hot months. no thanks, homie. i'd rather it be spring or fall and i have allergies. do people say autumn? it's been a while since i've heard someone say autumn. aaaannnyway, this album sounds how summer should feel... not dark - though the lyrics might suggest some heavier feelings.

i hate when i feel like i'm writing shit posts. not that i have nothing to say - there's just some things i want to keep. i promise the reward of copping this album is worth reading some bullshit. but if you read this and don't grab the album, you are a sucker. and if you don't even read the posts and just download, you win, but i'll consider you a shithead. do shitheads win? (yes)



hibou - dunes ep (free on bandcamp)
alt link (in case dude runs out of free downloads)

i lost track of the days..

and forgot what day it was. this is not good. or maybe it is. yo no se. what is time???????????????????????????? i'm slowly going insane and that's okay. my little sister keeps posting on facebook about how bored she is... i tell her to go think about something. think about space or infinity or something like that. my aim is to make her a nihilist by the time she's 12. joking, guys; i'm sure she'll reach that conclusion by herself. then i can make fun of her boredom on a different level.

alight, so none of that had anything to do with what i'm posting. i guess that's fitting. maybe i'm hoping the next time i see my little sister, she's wearing all black and listening to htrk.



htrk - nostalgia

watching black power mixtape and my roommate walks in and says "Angela Davis? wasn't she on that mtv show?..." no man, she wasn't. i remember reading live from death row in homeroom and buying 'let's get free' after 8th period c++ programming class... knowing at an early age who Angela Davis was. i'm trying to think why my roommate doesn't know. i guess he's never had to know. he never experienced oppression or racism directed in his direction. not that i have experienced it to the capacity people with darker skin have... or the way my dad has growing up (being called wetback, spic, and various other racial slurs... his family growing up in the "camp" because Mexicans weren't allowed to buy houses in white neighborhoods), but i know to an extent. when a tsa agent tells you to step aside after returning to the country (i wasn't even getting on a plane - i was getting off the plane!) and another agent takes you to a side room full of people who, from first glance, look Middle Eastern, takes your passport, and begins to ask you question after question about motives for leaving the country, i think it changes your view of how racism is imprinted in the infrastructure of our society. honestly, i think it had a lot to do with my name over the way i look... though the flight attendant asked if i needed translator... so i don't know.
so i'm going to post two albums. both represent the same struggle, but at different times



max roach - we insist! freedom now suite



dead prez - let's get free

good night/good morning

one for when i go to sleep at night and another for when i wake up in the a.m. and fall back to sleep.

the thing about tape loops is you can hear the tape deteriorate. each time the loop passes through the head, it loses something and the loop becomes slightly different until it's no longer audible. kind of makes the perfect sleep music. my foreign policy professor would always say "kind of" before stating a fact. it made learning from him somewhat confusing. so i guess i should say 'these recordings make perfect sleep music' and drop the "kind of."




William Basinski - The Disintegration Loops
William Basinski - The Disintegration Loops II

sleep s'il vous plaît

can't sleep. i keep thinking about stuff. it feels like the summer of 2007. i listened to a lot of music on my back that summer - got to know the floor and ceiling really well.

colleen's latest is my can't sleep soundtrack at the moment. i like it, but it feels different from from her previous releases. it's faster and there are vocals (which i have mixed feelings about... especially since it makes it harder to sleep to). regardless, i can't help but listen to it. the instrumentation is beautiful and she captures a mood i enjoy in modern classical (but for real, some of these vocals aren't hitting me... i'm picky about textural vocals being on top of the mix).



colleen

bio pics pt. II

just got done skyping with one of my former co-workers from home (again, not friends). and after talking about some stuff, i came to conclusion i needed to post something here. something about wanting things i can't have. that's the best because you never have to worry about rejection if you already know you can't have whatever it is you want. people, i found a way around rejection. it's fool proof. this is how you win and lose at the same time... and that's the title of my bio pic.

i was going to post some African music, but i feel like posting something else because i'm not really in the mood for janka nabay right now - it's not night music. i also wanted to post iii by the alps, but i don't have the cd on me. so i'll post an album with one of my favorite sleep-time tracks instead (1/1). good night, people.



brian eno - ambient 1/music for airports

it's friday night... so i blog

this week has been pretty eventful. the house got a new roommate, a friend from back home came to visit my other roommate (but we're all friends, so we all hung out), i had a phone interview, decided to go back to school... what else... my hair was poofy today... somedays i can't help it. before the first show i had with my band/group from back home, one of my friends told me my hair was "nappy as hell." i was like "i know, man." i blame my dad. he's got that curls in his hair. i just got that waves in my hair. how did i get to talking about this??? i like how the most inconsequential event of the week took precedence over everything that matters.

so the dog fell asleep ON my computer and i feel bad waking her up, but she has to move so i can type, because she gets to sleep all day. i get to sleep all day too, but that's called depression.

how about some music... i've been on a hip hop kick lately. something about this weather and being nostalgic. i don't know, man. there's a lot i feel like saying, but BUT BUTT BUTTS BUTTSSS

casino vs japan isn't hip hop, but it's late and i'll probably make a hip hop mix on 8tracks and watch peep show and eat some cereal and think and forget about commas then sleep. (also, i really like this album right now... some tracks more than others, but the mood fits)



casino versus japan - Hitori + Kaiso 1998-2001

i like how the dog just squeezed behind me on the couch like i'm not even effing here, backed out of netflix, and is now kicking me. effing jerk.

this post deserves something dope.
everything deserves something dope (except for this stupid dog).

first love

i was 10 or 11 the first time i heard digable planets. shit blew my mind. vh1 was having a best of the year countdown and 'rebirth of slick (cool like dat)' came on... i think it was the first time i fell in love with music. the jazz, the beat, the cool as eff MCs. everything about this kind of music called my name. i remember my parents buying the tape for me in chicago... they even let me play it over the stereo in the car on the way home. i was, of course, too young to understand the things the three emcees were rapping about, but it didn't matter. a year later, my dad entertained and solidified my love of jazz in hip hop and bought me guru's jazzmatazz on cd for my birthday (it was the first cd i ever owned). i remember unwrapping it and thinking how much i knew i was going to love listening to this album. around the same time, 'blowout comb' came out and i had my own money (lawn mowing money) to buy whatever music i wanted. i remember being in chicago again, seeing a record store (coconuts) from the car, asking my parents to please stop there, going straight for the rap section, and buying 'blowout comb' on cd. shit, man... i still love that album. thank you, dad. and thank you, digable planets. now i'm going to post your album on my blog like a shithead. i'm sorry. i guess i'm not sorry, because if i was, i wouldn't be posting it. but this isn't my link. i feel somewhat justified, but not really. i guess what i can feel justified about is your tour manager being a complete dick to me in chicago. i was just a dude with a digable planets tour poster, when some dickhead (their tour manager) grabs it and gives it to a pretty girl in the crowd. I WILL NEVER FORGET. THAT WAS MY POSTER, YOU ASSFUCKTURD. IF I EVER SEE YOU, I WILL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND THROW IT INTO THE SUN. but really, i don't remember what he looks like and i probably wouldn't say anything (because i'm not really a violent person and it's not that important). my palms and underarms would just get sweaty as eff and i would wonder why i wore a grey shirt when i know how bad it looks when sweat from my underarms bleeds through grey. always bring a cardigan when you wear grey shirts, guys.



digable planets - blowout comb

living on your lonesome

i think tomorrow i'm going to go to the grocery store just so i can talk to a human being with my voice. even if it's just them asking how i'm doing and me replying "good (bored)! how are you?" there's one guy who always tries to crack jokes... i'm going to get in his line. a while ago i bought some thin mints and a cadbury easter egg and dude said "whoa, looks like a party tonight." to which i replied "yeah, man, it's going to get really weird." i don't think it was an odd response, but he didn't have anything to say back. maybe no one tries to joke back with him. that's sad. i'm hoping that little interaction doesn't make for a simple transaction tomorrow. i don't even know what i'm going to buy. maybe some bread so tomorrow i can make sandwiches for the rest of the week. that's what people do when they live by themselves, right? my roommate will be back wednesday. don't worry about me, guys. if i don't end up going to the store, i'm going to try to make friends from home skype with me. and if that doesn't work out, i'm going to make an okcupid profile and get anxiety from the thought of being rejected by girls i don't message <--- that's a joke by the way... i'd rather blog about being bored)



narvu. - Jazza[我]Jazz.BeatTape_Side_A

bio pics

yesterday and today have been weird ones. the thought of moving back home is starting to sink in more and more - the thought of letting it become a reality is unsettling. i skyped with my ex (of two years ago) last night. she cried. girls never (at least she never did) tell you why they're crying. that's fine. i think i already knew. and maybe i didn't want to talk about it. there's a reason people break up (THREE TIMES)... and it's usually because they don't belong together. but shit, man, i've been over it for a loooooong time and don't want to have to deal with this kind of stuff. i like being friends, but that might not work. this is dumb and personal, but i need an outlet because my roommates are gone (one is in Dubai, the other is in illinois... the S is silent, guys) and the only being to keep me company is the dog. most likely, i probably won't talk to anyone til one of my roommates get back. changing subjects is easy. the original plan was to post broken social scene - feel good lost, but i got sidetracked this morning and listened to three do make say think albums. in 2004 i took a train to new mexico and listened to goodbye enemy airship the landlord is dead pretty much the whole way there and back. there was a troop of boyscouts on the train who apparently thought i was a musician from ny. kids are funny. i could probably type the rest of my life story, but i don't know you guys and doubt most of you would care to read about how unsmooth i am when it comes to trying to date... or how the one time i tried to approach a girl, i started choking on the water i was trying to drink and just walked away. i want adam goldberg or gael garcia bernal to play as me in my yet to be conceived bio pic. last year my old coworker (not my friend) payed me the biggest compliment and said i was like a mix of the two... thank you coworker. efffff, i ramble.



do make say think - goodbye enemy airship the landlord is dead

at all

it's been two weeks since i've posted anything. it's not that there isn't anything to post, i just haven't had anything to say. so it's perfect this post is about a band called nothing. gaze away, creeps.



nothing - downward years to come

699742 / 628315 / 717228 / 936557 / 813386 / 519225

there is some controversy about whether this is really a BoC release. i think it is (though my speculation on the 2nd volume is pretty high). here's one account of the authenticity of the cassetes: my girlfriend stole my shit and tried to sell it on ebay

i know you can't believe everything you read on the internet - "bonjour"



BoC - a few old tunes vol. 1 & 2

sleep things

i've tried watching a couple movies on netflix, but i got bored within the first two minutes. i kind of wish it was raining right now. it would go perfect with these tunes. a part of me wishes i was home too. i want to lay on the floor and fall asleep with my headphones on.
there isn't much i know about yuko ikoma. the bio on her website is in japanese... but from the little Japanese i do know (the translate button. i don't know Japanese at all), i can gather she plays many instruments and uses music boxes to compose her tracks. guys, this stuff is delicate and pretty. i've been listening to it as i type this and i'm going to say this is the most relaxed i've been all day.


yuko ikoma - esquisse (wind bell)

friday nights

here's some music.

rainer veil - struck ep