01 March 2016


when you're young, you have a mental image of what being an adult is like. when you're older, that mental image doesn't really go away unless you're already there. i thought by now i'd have a family of my own, living in a different city, working for who knows. i'm not there yet. if i could go back and tell my younger self to do things differently, i most definitely would. i'd try to make sure i met the expectation i had for myself. i'd tell myself to stay away from certain girls, don't waste your time in art school and just go to niu, look for a better job in sf and STAY THERE. but i can't and have to live with certain disappointments.

disappointments are a funny thing though. the only reason people get them is b/c of expectations. i used to date a girl who said she didn't have expectations from people other than herself... that way, she would live without disappointment - i didn't believe her. i just can't imagine not expecting. it's hard to not expect certain things out of the people you're closest to. even little things. i think it's fair to expect people to care about something you've worked hard at trying to build even if it doesn't interest them. but then again, if they care about you, it should interest them b/c it's something you made. every ounce of it is YOU. so why shouldn't they care about it, unless they really don't care about you. or maybe they're just too caught up in their own world. idk. sometimes people are selfish.
i try to show interest in letting my friends and family know i want them to succeed in what they love. from listening to what they have to say, reading their scripts, giving feedback on their music, listening to their monologues, down to the smallest notions of liking a post on facebook. i have a friend who runs a business crafting leather goods. he seems to really love it! i don't really buy leather products if i have a choice, but i try to show my support in any way i can. it's the most amazing thing when people have a dream and go for it. the older i get, the more i realize it takes the people around you to support your ideas and dreams even if it's not their thing. without their support, the starting point feels as dismal as the end game. MY POINT IS: support your loved ones in what they love. almost everyone has a dream. maybe they don't come out and say what their dream is b/c they're afraid of failure, but support their passions anyway. those passions are where their dreams hang out.

speaking of supporting your friends, here's some music my friend made. perfect for zoning out, yo!

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