keep

catching up on july and wanting august to get here so september will pass so i can live in october for a month. the fall, man. it reminds me of things i miss. sitting on the front porch with a book, but not reading it because i'm too occupied watching people drive/walk by. i miss seeing random people. not that i want to talk to them. i just like seeing people from where i live. that was my favorite part about sf - just sitting in front of my apartment building watching people (not staring... because that's creepy). same for when i lived in il. and the same for when i stayed with my grandma in guadalajara.
there are things i've learned about myself living where the burbs meet the sticks - i miss being left alone in a crowd. there are no crowds here. no busy streets. no people to look at walking by (except the occasional mom or dad walking their dog). only walgreens and houses with families who stay inside till they have to leave the house for work or groceries. i really hope this isn't coming across as me being sad... because i'm not. i just miss things and i'm having an existential crisis in bed listening to music that resonates because right now i'm playing a waiting game for a few different things... wondering if they even matter. one is out of my hands, while the other i'll probably wait till it's too late. there's a line in a movie (i'll be as vague as i want. though google is a great ruiner) that gets me every time: "life's funny. to a kid, time always drags. suddenly you're 50." i think about that sometimes. then i think about my father (being in his 50s) and how he tells me to not be like him (dragging his feet)... then i think about my mother, who also tells me to not be like my father. the problem is, i think i am like him. we daydream and make plans all day then wonder where the time went.

just d/l this because if you're here, you'll probably like it. (the lyrics are tagged in each song because).

keep (because it's my favorite)